Don't be alarmed, don't be frightened; I'm not deep into depression nor will this blog post pertain to anything of that nature. In fact, this is about the exact opposite of that.
I've been running this blog for nearly 6 years now. More than half a decade's worth of content poured out of the vital organ encased in my skull have been spilled out onto this blog (granted, there were long stretches of time where I would go AWOL for months....which is exactly what just happened prior to the posting of this written body of work.) There have been some great times, some sad times and frankly some really nonsensical (seldomly regrettable) times that have been had on this blog and it is all coming to an end.
Let me reiterate. This blogspot is coming to an end. Though I would like to say something that may bring a glimmer of hope to those of you who still come by to read what I have to say. I believe that ends are never rooted in finality.
For the better half of my entire existence as a human being on this planet I have always, through however way I manage to do it, sabotage and self-deprecate myself. Lack of confidence in my talents and abilities, my social interactions, my appearances, etc. It all goes on and it's a very long list if I were to continue. All these things pretty much lead to what I said in the former sentence. It then becomes a vicious cycle of self-loathing. I know this for a fact now because I have rehashed the same issues over and over again throughout the years. Whether it is a physical or mental issue, I'm not quite certain. I however, am certain of a few things. I am certain that I know how to go on and fix all of it. But like all problems, as easy as the solution may seem, the steps to getting there are a lot harder to maintain.
Hard work, discipline, perseverance and above all positivity and kindness are all the factors that I need to be happy in life and with myself. Somehow or another though, the aforementioned things get mixed up and at times forgotten along the way and I get lost yet again. Rinse. Repeat. It almost doesn't make sense when I look at the kind of people that I look up to and the people that surround me but I digress. I hear this from everyone going through their young adult years, that we all get lost at one point or another and while I do believe it, I don't necessarily avoid the pains of being a sort of "wanderer" in this part of my life. I do believe I have direction and right now I'm working to stay on that path.
Before I go and summarize the rest of my message I would just like to say a few things about my group of friends. My gang. My farmboiz. You have all been a tremendous influence in my life. It wouldn't be the same without you all. By that same token though, along the way, due to reasons I don't know and/or understand and it would be wrong of me to assume anything regarding the matter, I feel like I have lost touch with friends who I considered to be very close with in the past. With that said, I have also rediscovered friendships that although I have always appreciated them before, value even more than ever now. I will never say who my most favored friend is because first of all, that person doesn't exist and second, it would be wrong. You were all a part of my life and again, I thank you for it. I get it, things change and hopefully all for the better. I wish you all the best of luck in life. I hope one day, for those certain friends, things can be the same again or at least a semblance of what we once were.
So after I spilled all that, let me get to brass tacks.
In a manner of days I will be turning 25 years old. I am riding a wave of positivity starting from my vacation in Europe with my family whom I found a new appreciation for during the trip. I've met with relatives and friends that I've either haven't seen in a long time or I have never met. I experienced things that will forever change my perception on life, on my life. I do hope that this wave lasts a long time and I will do everything in my power to maintain it. I've been working out and eating right and starting up again on my quest to get in shape for physical health and appearances. I am feeling powerfully creative and yearning to finally do something my whole life and create a game with people and friends that I trust.
As of late, I have also been yearning for my better half; someone to share experiences with; someone who I can care more about than myself. And with that stated, I am currently extremely swooning over a beautiful, witty and funny girl, whose name I will not mention, at least not yet. Whether or not that leads to anything meaningful, only time will tell. I'm focusing on the present. I will tell you this much, I am not going to give up easily at all.
The present is always what is currently happening and I need to and I am going to make every second count.
For now, I bid farewell to this blog. She's been good to me and maybe, just maybe, I'll see her again. And if the day comes that I feel like I'm ready to return, maybe I'll see you guys again as well.
Goodbye.
-Alan
I've been running this blog for nearly 6 years now. More than half a decade's worth of content poured out of the vital organ encased in my skull have been spilled out onto this blog (granted, there were long stretches of time where I would go AWOL for months....which is exactly what just happened prior to the posting of this written body of work.) There have been some great times, some sad times and frankly some really nonsensical (seldomly regrettable) times that have been had on this blog and it is all coming to an end.
Let me reiterate. This blogspot is coming to an end. Though I would like to say something that may bring a glimmer of hope to those of you who still come by to read what I have to say. I believe that ends are never rooted in finality.
For the better half of my entire existence as a human being on this planet I have always, through however way I manage to do it, sabotage and self-deprecate myself. Lack of confidence in my talents and abilities, my social interactions, my appearances, etc. It all goes on and it's a very long list if I were to continue. All these things pretty much lead to what I said in the former sentence. It then becomes a vicious cycle of self-loathing. I know this for a fact now because I have rehashed the same issues over and over again throughout the years. Whether it is a physical or mental issue, I'm not quite certain. I however, am certain of a few things. I am certain that I know how to go on and fix all of it. But like all problems, as easy as the solution may seem, the steps to getting there are a lot harder to maintain.
Hard work, discipline, perseverance and above all positivity and kindness are all the factors that I need to be happy in life and with myself. Somehow or another though, the aforementioned things get mixed up and at times forgotten along the way and I get lost yet again. Rinse. Repeat. It almost doesn't make sense when I look at the kind of people that I look up to and the people that surround me but I digress. I hear this from everyone going through their young adult years, that we all get lost at one point or another and while I do believe it, I don't necessarily avoid the pains of being a sort of "wanderer" in this part of my life. I do believe I have direction and right now I'm working to stay on that path.
Before I go and summarize the rest of my message I would just like to say a few things about my group of friends. My gang. My farmboiz. You have all been a tremendous influence in my life. It wouldn't be the same without you all. By that same token though, along the way, due to reasons I don't know and/or understand and it would be wrong of me to assume anything regarding the matter, I feel like I have lost touch with friends who I considered to be very close with in the past. With that said, I have also rediscovered friendships that although I have always appreciated them before, value even more than ever now. I will never say who my most favored friend is because first of all, that person doesn't exist and second, it would be wrong. You were all a part of my life and again, I thank you for it. I get it, things change and hopefully all for the better. I wish you all the best of luck in life. I hope one day, for those certain friends, things can be the same again or at least a semblance of what we once were.
So after I spilled all that, let me get to brass tacks.
In a manner of days I will be turning 25 years old. I am riding a wave of positivity starting from my vacation in Europe with my family whom I found a new appreciation for during the trip. I've met with relatives and friends that I've either haven't seen in a long time or I have never met. I experienced things that will forever change my perception on life, on my life. I do hope that this wave lasts a long time and I will do everything in my power to maintain it. I've been working out and eating right and starting up again on my quest to get in shape for physical health and appearances. I am feeling powerfully creative and yearning to finally do something my whole life and create a game with people and friends that I trust.
As of late, I have also been yearning for my better half; someone to share experiences with; someone who I can care more about than myself. And with that stated, I am currently extremely swooning over a beautiful, witty and funny girl, whose name I will not mention, at least not yet. Whether or not that leads to anything meaningful, only time will tell. I'm focusing on the present. I will tell you this much, I am not going to give up easily at all.
The present is always what is currently happening and I need to and I am going to make every second count.
For now, I bid farewell to this blog. She's been good to me and maybe, just maybe, I'll see her again. And if the day comes that I feel like I'm ready to return, maybe I'll see you guys again as well.
Goodbye.
-Alan
